If i could do it all over
by aBLONDERhErMiOnE
Summary: “All I ever wanted was him, but it’s funny how things turn out when it’s put into fate’s perspective” A view on Bellatrix Lestrange’s life according to her. SBxBL, with some RLxOC RR! CHAP 5 IS UP
1. Silly School Girl Crush

Bellatrix Lestrange's

Summary: "All I ever wanted was him, but it's funny how things turn out when it's put into fate's perspective" A view on Bellatrix Lestrange's life according to her. SBxBL, with some RLxOC R+R

Rated K, but it will go up in later chapters

A/N: If I made a mistake somewhere in here with the type of characters or Death-Eaters, please just leave it be. I probably didn't mean to, and it just fit the story better.

_**If I Could Do It All Over...**_  
Chapter 1: Silly School-Girl Crush

I looked over towards him as he made his way down to the Great Hall. He always would catch my eyes, never really bothering to know himself that he does. Not that he would look up at me. Come on, I'm one of his enemies! Or that's what I want him to think.

For some reason I remember my exact pose at that moment, it must have been when it all really started. I was sitting in my normal seat at my Slytherin House table, my legs were crossed and my head was leaning against my right arm, as my eyes followed him and his friends down to his own table.

"Belle?" Calyin snapped her fingers, as thought she expected me to respond. Sadly I'm no genie (if I was I would have already granted myself three wishes), so it took her until she slammed a book in front of me to be able to hear what was happening.

I jumped, "What?"

"You're really funny when you do that." She laughed. It must have been some amusement to see me go six inches off my seat.

"What do you want?" I repeated, mildly angry that she didn't seem to realize she was disrupting my view of Sirius.

Calyin rolled her eyes, "Girl you got it bad."

I smiled. Calyin knew everything about me more then I did. She could tell me my life story including the details I forgot to mention to her. She must be a seer. But I guess that's the reason why we were such good friends. Best friends actually.

I was a first year then. What did you want from me? To act mature and pretend that I didn't like him? No, I could never keep my mouth shut as a child, although I did only tell Calyin. My dairy was bursting with silly little poems, and how I dreamed of Sirius and mine's first kiss.

"I don't see" She continued, "why you would want a _Gryffindor_, they are full of bloody idiots, after all! But if you had to, could you have at least go for Potter?"

She was talking about the Marauders. Yes, I'll say that James Potter was an 11 year old hottie, so was Remus Lupin (fifthly half-blood), even if you squint your eyes Peter Pettigrew looked rather worthy.

"Come on, Caity. Don't speck so loudly!" It was earlier for most people. A lot weren't up from there heavy slumber yet to start a Monday morning. We did have most of the table to ourselves, but you can never be to safe with a Slytherin. Everyone must know everyone's business that's just how it was.

"No one is here. Stop worrying so much."

Just like Calyin, she doesn't care. Her dream was to perform, she wanted to be in a band. For a child of the 60's she could play a mean electric guitar, and her voice, whenever she sang, reminded me of glitter, something so pretty yet hard to keep in one place. She wanted her life to be published, I didn't. I was rather quiet for a Slytherin. I lacked the cunning charm that was needed, so I wasn't very popular, she was.

I looked nervous, "But what if someone should over hear-"

"Who's going to over hear?"

"Him? Possibly?"

"He's too busy trying to study for the Dark Arts test that we have today,"

Sighing and placing my arm back onto the table and rested my head on my hand, "That is so like him."

Calyin made a gagging noise, "What ever you say," she looked at her wristwatch, "Darn it! I left my book in the dorm, wanna come back with me and get it?"

"No, it's okay. I'll meet up with you in class."

She shook her head, "You're living on a cloud. You better suck it in though. You don't want the others to know."

"Yea, yea. See ya in a minute." I shooed her away.

I thought I could hear the muffled sound of her saying in a teasing tone, "Pathetic" but I didn't care. Why should I? I was eleven years old, and only a few weeks into Hogwarts. The worse I could do was put a lavation charm on her, and I haven't even mastered that yet.

I opened my book-bag and quickly looked for my leather-copied diary. I filled threw the pages trying to find a blank one, and succeeding. I headed the page:

_Nov 18th 1971  
Same as the rest of the other boys; long black robe, geeky vest. Hair looks messy and uncombed, but very good. Currently eating, apple (green). With his three best friends. I'm sure that they are talking about the Potions' test today, but not entirely sure. He's looking rather troubled._

Yes, I would consider myself a stalker, but then it seemed like a normal thing to do. Other Slytherins were coming. I shoved the book back into the bag, and put on my happy face.

The Slytherin table was starting to get full, and the bell would sound off in ten minutes or so for my first class, the famous (even back then) Slytherin/Gryffindor potions. I quickly placed my journal back into my bag before any of my other so-called friends could see me. I snuck off into the corridor, and ran down to the dungeon.

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The Potions Mistress back then was a nice sweet old lady, Ms. Kettle. Her students must have driven her mad. She was a happy plump person, and rather gullible. That's why so many students would snicker at her. It made me feel so upset to see her come in humming under her breath, only to then have to deal with the worse. The only thing I could do was sit in the back with Caylin and try as hard as I could to be good. It's not like I was Severus Snape or Lucius Malfoy. Those two were each other's only friends, and were rather the troublemakers. I hated them almost as much as I envied them. They held everything about Slytherin that I didn't have. Even if Snape had a greasy nose, he did have a crafty cunningness.

But I also loved the class since I sat right behind Sirius and James, like it could get any better.

Twenty minutes until the bell rang, I was late for being early.

Ms. Kettle was carrying a stakes of books, that seemed to weigh more then she did, as she worked her way off her desk. She stumbled as I ran over to her to help.

"Be careful!" I told her, grabbing some books.

She beamed (how could any one be so pleasant and still hang around a dark dungeon?), "Thank you dear. I seem to be getting to old for this job,"

I gave a small laugh, "Don't say that, I need you for another six years,"

She fixed her small spectacles that we slipping off her face, "Can you put one book on every set deary?" she asked me.

Nodding, I reached and started to walk up and down the rows of desks, making sure Sirius got the best book, and was lost in thought. I was a teacher's pet, and well aware. It didn't really matter. I had so many masks sometime I couldn't help but wonder which one was real. I was a rather completed eleven-year-old. The one face I would wear for the teachers. The one for when I was with my friends, brave and sly. Faking all of my moves, and not really thinking for myself, but for the group. Then there was the mask I wore when I was alone. You would think that was anyone's real face, but I was so sure that it wasn't for me. It was too real to be me.

To my own reality I was a little girl, who came from a spotless pureblood background, wallowing in a crush, and a dreamer amongst the stars. That's what I was. If I was alone I could easily keep myself entertained. I was the princess, or the warrior, the girl- woman who you were never sure which side she was on until the very end. There was always a love interest in my make-believe (no doubt in my mind). I had to fight for what I thought was right, never telling anybody until they thought it was over, but come on, you had to have a guy somewhere in it, just to even it out. As hard as I try I could never write these stories down. I had let dozens of novels escape from my head and could never put them on parchment. They seemed too different there, as thought it was never really mine anymore.

I had just finished passing out the books as students slowly started to arrive. Fate was out to get me, Sirius was first in, with no one else surrounding him.

All I ever wanted was him, but it's funny how things turn out when it's put into fate's perspective. Just as fate would have wanted it, the second I saw him I tripped over my shoelace, and fell onto the floor.

He came running over, "Bellatrix, are you alright?"

I must have had a stupid expression on my face. The one that reads 'So you do remember my name?' It had been something that had crossed my mind, even though our parents forced us to see each other a lot during the summer how would I know that he bothered to recall ever knowing me?

I snapped out of my trance and spoke in a snotty tone, "I don't need your help getting up. I have been rather capable of doing things for myself, and rather well, thank you!"

He shot me the 'Well sorry I tried to be nice' face, "What ever. I must have not been thinking. You know you don't have to be so sour,"

"Me? Sour? I know when I'm capable of standing up!"

He stuttered. I had to keep talking.

"Not so brave with out your friends behind you isn't it? Can't even think of a simple respond to your cousin. No wonder you and that Potty-head were placed in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff would have been to smart for you lot!"

I could see the anger in his eyes, "Don't you dare disrespect me or my friends!" he voice rose only slightly. Ms. Kettle didn't seem to notice, as she was getting the ingredients for today's lesson out of the cupboard.

"I shall do as I please."

He snorted, "Under what authority?"

I shot him a smile, "My parents of course. They seem to have hope for me, unlike yours. My mum says that they were very disappointed when you got placed in Gyffin-dork."

His fists shaking, "Incase you never noticed I'm not proud of my family-"

The bell sounded, and Ms. Kettle came out of the back room and I ran to my set, next to Calyin. I didn't even notice that the classroom had been filling as Sirius and I had our agreement.

She nudged me in the ribs and whispered, "What was that about?"

"Oh nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing."

"Believe me, it was if you over look that it was the first time he spoke to me since the Hogwarts Express."

"So it was something!"

"You could call it that." I turned my attention to the back so Sirius's head. I pulled out a spare piece of parchment, silently asked for his forgiveness and spent the entire class writing his name in hearts.


	2. The Best 7 mins of my life

Chapter 2: The Best 7 mins of my life 

First year, second worse year of my life. If you think that I would get Sirius to notice me, you were wrong, after that incident in potions class when only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary. That only counts the one time during a Quidditch game when I was lucky enough to be standing next to him, and I was standing on his foot (by accident!).

Second year…well it was better then first. Our families made us stop giving each other dirty looks. It hurt to think that I was just being mean to him to go along with it, but I was sure that Sirius really meant to be rude.

Then there was third year, damn those teenage hormones.

I had just turned fourteen the day before, and we were coming home on the Hogwarts Express, and for a magical train there were no more sets left anywhere for Calyin and I but in a large compartment with the Marauders. I didn't even notice them at first. I had just came back from changing into my muggle clothes since it was really warm for the summer day, and once again, paid no real attention to where I was going.

Calyin and I threw ourselves comfortably onto a seat and started talking about her new boyfriend, none other then Remus Lupin.

"I still can't believe your dating one of his best friends!" I shrieked in a low whisper.

"I know! I'm so happy. But still, I must be turning into you, a Gryffindor! But he is really sweet and-"

"What else about me?" Lupin asked.

Calyin and I stopped talking, met eyes with each other then started to laugh.

Lupin excused himself from his friends (who were displeased by his action), and sat down next to Calyin. As a greeting, he kissed her on the cheek. She giggled.

"Hey," he said, "I thought you wouldn't find us,"

"Why wouldn't I?" Calyin asked him.

I tugged on her sleeve, "This was a set up?"

She shrugged it off, "Pish-posh. I'll be with the guy I want, and look, so will…" She knew better to finish that sentence in front of Remus, or any one for the matter.

He put his arm around her and called over to the others, "Oi! Guys, get over here! I want you to meet Calyin!"

Potter looked disgusted. I could tell that Lupin ever formally introduced Cay to everyone, yet they were only going out for a week so far.

All at once they got up, and like a pack of birds, walked together over to us. Sirius looked like he rather be dead then sitting any closer to me.

There was an acquired silence.

Lupin coughed.

More silence.

I could tell Calyin really wanted to say something. She not only wanted to get me and Sirius talking, but also show me that her boyfriend's friends aren't bad so I could aprove of them. Though you can tell that they don't really like _her_ that much neither.

I could see Calyin going threw he mind trying to think of something to say. She's glued to the fashion/teen magazines, and knew a lot of the world-wide world pop culture to make herself sound smart.

"Lets play a game!" She said it rather loudly in the quiet.

There was a small murmur, and Pettigrew was rolling his eyes.

"I read about it, just in this month's Witch Weekly," 

I heard James whisper to Sirius, "Witch Weekly only comes out every month? Kinda an oxi-moran."

Sirius responded back, "We are with morons remember? I know them well enough to guess that." They did low giggles.

Calyin must not have heard, "It's an old muggle game that just became known to wizards, it requires no literal magic." She continued.

To see my face right then should have been priceless. I knew which game she was talking about, she told me not to long ago. I was blushing so hard, and mentally crying to her not to say…

"It's called '7 Minutes in Heaven'"

I was dead.

James couldn't condoned his laughter, "That sounds so sissy!"

Calyin was smiling, he didn't seem to have gotten what the game means yet.

"O believe me, it's not. Only real men can play it good."

Calyin had such a dirty mind for a fourteen-year-old! You weren't supposed to think about sex yet. My Mum didn't even tell me any of the 'wonders of womanhood' crap, but doubted that she ever would. Mum is the kind of person that squeaks if you say you have to go to the bathroom. I found out nearly everything for Calyin.

Potter didn't like not knowing something, "Then how do you play?"

"Oh, it's very simple. Before I carry on, James I think you should find Lily first, she might want to play. Peter, what about Raven?"

"What about me? Should I find a partner?" Sirius asked.

"Why don't you use Belle, since Remus is going to be mine."

By the look on Lupin's face, I didn't think that he knew what the meaning behind the game was yet. He should have had an idea being Calyin's boyfriend.

I wondered how far they have gotten.

The two boys got up, and Calyin took out her wand and did something to the door. They left and within moments came back with the girls that were suggested. Boys really must be thick not to notice that the pairing was boy-girl boy-girl.

Lily Evans didn't seem too happy to have been dragged away from her friends to Potter's company, although she said no word of complaint.

"Jimmy, what are we doing here?" She asked him.

"Let's wait and find out." James said in a cunning voice that I didn't know he owned. I didn't seem to notice I was still surprised that the boys listened to us. "Now please Miss Alon, tell our newly arrived what we are doing."

Calyin did her eyebrow thing were she was confused about what just happened, "We're going to play a game, '7 Minutes in Heaven', now are you can tell we are divided into couples. Each couple with be locked, by a special charm, into the compartment by themselves for seven minutes, were they can enjoy many sexual pleasures."

They dropped there mouths open.

"No way!" Lily said.

"You've gone mad!" Raven said.

Sirius turned red.

"To late to back out of it now. While you were gone I also put another spell on the door so that way none of you can back out of it with out getting huge pimple boils all over your faces. It would take rather long for you to get to Saint Mongo's to get all the pus out."

I gulped. She was always a step ahead of me, and I could never thank her enough for that.

"But to be fair you can pick which group wants to go first." Calyin was teasing us.

Potter rose, "Padfoot, you go."

"WHAT!" Sirius asked.

"Sure why not?" Potter had a mischievous grin on, "It must have been a dream of yours once."

All except him, and me had gotten up to leave the room.

Calyin was the last to leave, and turned to shut the compartment, she winked at me, giggled, and slammed the door.

"So I guess we have to…kiss and stuff," Sirius looked uncomfortable standing and admitting this, "Because if I come home with pus oozing out of my face I don't think my Mum or yours would apricot that,"

"Unless you want to have a face uglier then what you already have,"

"Oh really? I'm that hideous to you?"

"More or less,"

"Well you're not that bad to look at,"

He must have done it thinking he would piss me off, but he wildly grabbed my face and smacked his lips to mine.

No wonder the game was heaven.

I was the one who wanted more then just lip touching lip. I opened my mouth against his and soon enough we were on the seats making out. I didn't care what he was thinking. As long as he was giving me what I wanted, why should I? I had to keep coming back for more. But the back of my head was wondering, not really hoping, if he was enjoying it.

It had to have been past seven minutes, I hardly heard them say outside the compartment, "What's taking them?"

I rapped myself around him and now we were on top of each other, me on the top. I swear I didn't hear the door open, and I'd swear it to this day. Calyin came in and caught us.

"OH MY GOD!" She screamed in a happy sort of way.

We broke apart and got off each other.

Sirius gave me a sort of smile, and he tried to fix his messy hair.

"Well you completed the minutes, who do you want to go next?" She asked.

"Prongs," he said to her.

"JAMES GET IN HERE!" she shouted, as she pushed us out.

Once the doors we locked again with Lily and James inside, Calyin turned to me, "I have to go to the bathroom, come with?"

I known her to long, she so didn't have to go to the bathroom.

"Okay."

She took hold of my arm, and we ran down to the lavatory. She made sure that no one else could get in when she started jumping up and down, "Spill!"

I had never been so happy in my life.

"What there to say?"

"Well like a million things. Was it your first kiss? How far did'cha get? What was it like for you? Everything!"

"Oh that!" I said. I normally never have any information to tell her, it was weird being the one getting the attention, "Cay! Of course it was my first kiss, nice and short, then moving into a long French. And like I would waste such a special moment on anyone other then him! I haven't been saving my virginity for some drunken 7th year," I paused.

"Annnnnnd?"

"I'm not really sure how far we got…"

"WHAT!"

"I only thought it was first base!"

"Do you pay any attention to your on affairs, when I walked in he had his hand crawling up your leg,"

"He did!"

"Are you that blind?"

"You had to have made it to second."

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I answered her next question, "Yea it was nice. You know I dreamed of this for so long. That's the only way to really describe it."

"Of course you have! Look, you just reeled in the fish, but you have to make sure he stays attached to the hook."

"I do?"

"YES! He might be thinking that it was just a silly little game, you have to make sure that he stays."

"And how am I to do that?"

"Well you got all summer to figure that one out."

There was a bang on the door, "Cay, you're up next. I think Mooney has been giving himself an orgasm while waiting." It was Raven.

"Okay," She called out the door. Then she turned to me, "My turn," she said.

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**A/N: YEA! Hopeful, this chapter is up, and if not I'm working on it! Hope you know that its not done, long way to go. PLEZ REVIEW. So many questions, am I going in the right direction? To short? Too much/too little backround infor so far? Most importinatly, do u want a dounut! -Clover**


	3. Mummy Dearest

A/N: Thank you for the ppl who reviewed. Keep'em coming

**Will There Ever Be a Rainbow** : Thankx : )

**xXStarfireXx **: Emmy u rock. And of cosure it wouldn't be me if they didn't kiss!

**twistedpaperclip**: YES JILL! 7 mins in Heaven is a real game (it was once Lizzie Mcquire. Lolx). And u'r right, we do need boyfirends. Cheesy Bread?

Chapter 3  
Mummy Dearest

Cay ran into the compartment with Lupin. It was very funny to see her like that, the real wild child. But now I was alone to face Sirius by myself, and I really don't know how well I could do. My voice gets so horse when I'm this nervous.

But he didn't even look at me as Cay's seven minutes came and went (when she came out, she was tugging on her shirt, that slut!). By the time they left to go find food (boys) he had reached Kingscross and Sirius still hasn't spoke to me. He held no emotion towards what had just happened what so ever. James got slapped, which explained why Lily's face was exploding with pus, Pettigrew and Raven we holding hands shortly afterwards. I couldn't help but wonder if I was that much of a pathetic no one, who couldn't even get the guy I have to stay.

The train came to a complete holt. I was staring out the window. I could see Mum standing there in a new cloak, and her hair charmed nice and neat. She wore no jewelry. You could tell she wasn't so enthustasic about having me home for the next nine weeks or so. I felt exactly the same way.

"Are you coming?" Cay said.

I shot her the 'please let me stay here' glare.

But after waiting with me for a while you could tell that we had to get off right then or else they would kick us off. I found my purse and followed Calyin.

She gave me a hug once we were on the platform, "I'll owl you tonight about what happened an' all, until then can you live with out me?"

I hugged her harder, "With mother? That bitch? I'll try."

"It will be okay, you'll be over my house in a month. Three weeks of paradise."

_If I could live that long_, I thought.

Mum and I never really got along. Her only semi-second of being proud of me was when I got sorted into Slytherin, the moment I realized what it meant to be a real Lestrange. Images of that day when the lice-filled hat was placed on my head came springing it to me. I was caught in a flashback and heard the hat whisper in my ear, "_Yes, I could see you now. A lot like you Father. Although you don't have your Mother's coldness. Still a Lestrange you are, and they are all the same. Best be in _SLYTHERIN!"

Never had any other words hurt me as much as that.

"Mum!" I called out to her.

I could see her sighing. She was so thin then. I had hoped she was eating one full meal.

"Baby dear, how are you?" she said after seeing where I was standing. She didn't reach out to give a hug, not that I was expecting one.

"Fine Mum, what about you?"

"Belle it's the same old around home,"

I doubted that was true. Ever since my father was forced out of the house right before I started first year when I came home during the summer every night she had a new 'friend' say the night.

She moved on, "But enough about that, how was the year?"

"You should know, I wrote to you rather often."

"What? Oh yes, the letters. You know those bloody owls kept leaving surprises all over the windows? You kept forgetting your owl Fairy-Wings."

"Sorry," Well I tried. I was a good daughter, I wrote to my Mum once every few days, and there she goes complaining about that too. And my owl? Sure! She used Fairy-Wings for every little thing, no wonder I had to use the schools'.

We stepped into one of the fire places put on the platform for Floo powder traveling.

"Bellatrix Mannor!" I called as I was properly inside the fireplace with the saw dusty soot. The flames over threw me and spat me out in front of my bedroom at home, Mum followed shortly afterwards.

It was my Father's idea to name the house after me. He was crewel in many ways. I might have been real little but I did understand that he had commit many crimes, and to cover those up he killed one or so people. But he did love me, even when he did raise his voice. You could tell because he never once hit me, and if he ever was angery with me he apoilgized. The name of the manor was just one way to make it up to me.

"Welcome back home," Mum said coolly.

I inhaled, the house had that rich smell to it mixed with expensive perfume. I was never to fond of it. The word 'home' when I thought of this place was the last word in mind.

"BON-BON!" Mum called out. That was our house-elf. She was young then, very eager to serve anyone who could think.

The little elf came running up the stairs, "Yes my mistress. How could I-" she stopped and looked at me. A wide smile came across her face, "Young miss is back at last? So nice to see you again!"

Mum gave poor Bon-Bon a warning look, "Yes aren't we all? I'm sure it would be a lot nicer if you could make some hot green tea," the beverage I hate the most, "and make sure that her bed is already made so she could rest."

"Yes! Bon-Bon was silly not to think that her's self,"

I felt sorry for the house elf, and tried to relay on her as little as possible just to give her a break. "No it's okay," I said. "Thank you Bon-Bon, but I'm just going to write to Calyin before supper so-"

"Your still friends with that girl?" Mum said displeased.

"Yes Mum."

"When will you start be-friending someone that could help you in the real world? MR. Malfoy perhaps. Even Master Sirius would be better then Ms. Alon, her family is much poorer then ours! For you to be seen with her is a disgrace! Why can't you be more like your sisters?"

Yes, my loving, bitchy two sisters that weren't even in Hogwarts any more. I made a point of never speaking to them. I had to hold my tongue, "I'll try Mum."

"No! No, no, no! This is where you go wrong! Stop trying and actually do something about it. You haven't even been home five minutes and you are already getting me furious! You're eating dinner in your room tonight!" she placed her hand on her head as though she had grown bored of me already. "Bon-Bon, bring me my robe." And she walked away. She was done with me for the rest of the night.

Am I not the only one who thinks that she over reacts about stupid things?

I walked into my room and found my trunks neatly stacked by the bed. I hated my room. It was nothing like me. It was painted a dark pink, and had a carpeted floor. The bed was close to the window, and it had hardly any objects that I actually wanted filled up in most of the space. It looked like the rest of the house, screaming for people to say, "They are fifthly rich". The only one thing in that room I was proud of was this one picture framed of Sirius and me when we were about five years old. Both our parents we just happy to have one more thing to show off about, so since we were so young they must have figured 'what the hell? Lets get their pictures taken together." It's really cute. My hair was in pig tales, and I'm in a lovely green dress. Sirius is in his dress robes, and his hair is combed to the side. I was sitting on his knee while he was standing. Since the picture moves, it shows us laughing and him bouncing me trying to look strong, while being amazed by the toy that the photographer was holding and reaching out to it.

I picked up the picture and held it to my chest. That same day, right after the photo was taken I had punched him in the nose for making me drop my ice-cream, so he bit me on the arm, then I pulled his hair, and…well it went on for a while before our babysitter tried to stop us. Sirius got a good beating for daring to touch a girl. I was considered the victim, and gotten a pack of sugar quills.

I could never bring the golden framed picture to Hogwarts. I was sure that Mum never went into my room, so the only person who bother to be in it, is only me. But I felt like that moment I could only I could see. I know it used to be Mum's but when I was ten I found it in the back of a closet collecting dust (then I got scowled for doing servant's work)

Besides, it was the only happy memory I really had with him (before that afternoon).

There was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I asked, even thought I could have guessed.

"Bon-Bon, miss. Your supper is done, miss."

"Come in," I placed the photo down.

She placed the tray containing the meal, onto a stool. I smiled as my favorite foods were placed down in front of me (a large salad, a hamburger, and numerous amounts of sweets). "Thanks,"

"You're welcome Miss. And as I do say, welcome back again. The house isn't the same with out you,"

"You're very kind."

The house elf seemed very pleased, "Is there anything else Bon-Bon could do for you miss?"

"Its okay. Thank you again."

She bowed and backed towards the door, shutting it lightly.

I walked to my desk, and pulled out paper, and started scribbling a letter to Cay, while picking at my salad.

Just as I finished writing how it was to be back and how I couldn't wait to leave to the secondary hell, when an owl tapped on my window. I didn't really recognize it.

Opening the hatch it flew into my room, and hooted around with so much energy that it took me a while to calm it down well enough to get the note from him. It read:

_Bellatrix-  
I don't know if your mum told you but my mum and I are coming over in two days for a well known tea party. I want to talk to you there about what happened today on the train. I must have lost control of myself.  
See you at your place._

_-SB_

It was the first time he ever written me a letter. It had to mean I still had my fish on the hook! It couldn't breathe.

"BON-BON!" I called out.

She came running into my room, "Miss, what are you needing?" she said in a rush of breathe.

"Is Mum having a tea party?"

"Yes miss, this Tuesday with Mistress Black, Mistress Malfoy, Mistress Snape and some of the others."

"Have you learned to sew?"

"Yes Ma'am"

"I don't want to ask Mum for any extra money, do you think you can stitch a dress robe for me by then?"

"I could…try…" she stuttered, and I could see why. She has lived with my Mum since she was born.

"Thank you so much. I want to look my best for Mum's party."

"Oh yes! Bon-Bon understands. The Mistress does want everything perfect."

I was already staring into space thinking about the fine details my Sirius wants to tell me.

(another) A/N: There is ALOT of symbloizim in this chap. I'm turing into my english teacher who sees symbolizes in everything, you can't pick up a pen without her jumping up and down.


	4. Thanks for playing the game

Chapter 4  
Thanks for playing the game

Bon-Bon proved any doubt in me wrong about my gown. When Tuesday, the day of the party came, she presented me with a lovely baby blue, strapless, dress. It came just slightly above my knees, was tight around my breasts, and baggy around my thighs. It made my eyes stand out.

That morning I had gotten up extra early to do a hair straightening charm. That was when magic was aloud outside of school. Those were the days when you could have had your wand out at a young age and people wouldn't think you were up to mischief. Those years didn't last much longer.

Mum had did what she always had done when ever her and her friends got together; hope that I would find out from someone, get dressed up, make a quick appearance, then sit around in the kitchen by myself and wait for them to leave. The first time I saw her that afternoon was when the fireplace bell rang.

Great joys, Mrs. Snape was the first to arrive.

Mum came quickly, but not loudly, down the stairs. She was in a black, sleek dress.

"Martha how are you?" Mum said.

Mrs. Snape had such a horrible voice like sand paper, "Fine, fine."

"Please do come in. Belle, get out here!"

I could not repeat Mum's moments of walking face and still looking smart. Instead, I ran in. You could tell Mum did not approve, but she bit her lip from saying so.

"Martha you remember my daughter, yes?"

Mrs. Sanpe stepped closer to me. That woman appears to have another scar on her face, but I couldn't possibly have seen why she was so accident pro, "How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm good,"

"How was school this semester?"

Adults were so incredibly boring! That's all they ever wanted to talk about, how you were and school as though their small minds couldn't think of anything else worth while. I used to hate adults. Everything about them, from the way that they talked and dresses down to every detail in there body shape. They were dull, and demanding. They could never do anything themselves, no, ether the children or house-elves had to do there every command at the snap of there fingers.

"Fine, I got all O's on my finals. How have you been around the house?"

"Oh, you wouldn't want to hear about that sort of thing. Its adult business."

That's another thing. They treat kids like idiots. I can't say that I never did the same, but to say its all 'adult business' is full of bull shit. To this day I still think that a child could understand most things better then an adult. Adults look at things logically, and create reasons why things could never happen. But a child could think anything, have the most hope in life and be fine. They are really the ones who understand what it's like to live.

"That must be interesting," I said.

"Nothing that would be of your concern, but thank you for asking."

The fireplace rang again. Mrs. Black, and Sirius. He didn't appear rather comfortable in the outfit that you could tell Auntie made him where. I almost let out a burst of laughter just to see him.

Mum made me stick around until all of her horrible people came before letting Sirius and I alone.

"Now go up stairs to your room and play nicely," she told us. How much more fake can you get?

We did as we were told and walked upstairs. I should have noticed that the air felt a little thicker, or that the color was a little brighter. If I paid more attention maybe then I could have saved myself. But I didn't own a time turner back then, so forget that idea of going back. In fact I still don't own one. If I did, well things would be a lot different then they were know, for one thing I would have told myself right then to turn around and to join Mum at the dinning room table. To be bored with those women who talk onwards about nothing worth any interest would have been better then this.

We got to my room, and I'm sure he doesn't remember it, since the last time he was in it we were about seven years old. I should have known something was up also when Mum let me go into my room alone with a boy my age.

"Sit down," I said. Well I think I said it. He didn't hear it, but he did move to the desk chair, so I must have done some indication of putting your rear end to a soft pillow.

"Sooooooooo…" I stammered. Could that have been any more acquired? No.

He inhaled. "Look about the other day-"

"What about it?" My voice nearly leaped on top of him. I just really wanted to know what he was thinking. It must have been obvious by now that he knew that I liked him since I didn't owl him yell at what he had put me threw. I don't think the game was invented to cause such a problem. It must have been more for the witches who like to hook up with someone on the weekend, then the next day it's like 'Who are you?'. I'm not like that. Not then, not know. If a guy kisses you its because he likes you in some way.

"About the other day," He started over. "I didn't know what came over me."

"Yea?" He told me this already. What's taking him? I wanted to rip the thought out of him just so I could know.

Sirius looked so nice. Who ever picked out his outfit had nice taste. But it was the boy inside the robes that made me squirm. His hair fell into his eyes as he turned to look out the window. How much I wanted to be the one to pull back his hair, gently touch it with my fingertips, and become so close to him that it would burn.

"I don't think we should do it again." That wasn't what I expected.

The wording was all wrong. "Do what?"

"On the train-"

"Yes, I know on the train. What about it? Tell me already!" I didn't want to hear it, but I rather that then have the slightest amount of hope in me.

"I'm sorry that I lead you on. I just wanted to prove something to Prongs, he thought I didn't have the guts to do it,"

"What?" I still didn't believe what he was saying. I wasn't understanding it at all. I still thought that any second he would take me in his arms and ride me into the sunset.

"I don't like you. I don't want to go out with you. What ever we did on the train was all spur of the moment. It wasn't meant to happen it just did."

His words weren't calm, more hard then soft. My heart never felt so heavy, and I was so close to tears.

I didn't dare to say anything. I just stood there. How could I have been so silly into thinking he could like me back? I really was the thickest person alive.

And he looked happy about it too. As thought he realized the one thing that would get to me the most and have the power to use it against me.

I wanted to see him dead at that second. No, I didn't. That would mean that he was gone. But wasn't that what I wanted? It still confuses me to think about this. I should have yelled. Screamed at the top of my voice. Slapped him. Told him how I really felt about him, how to me it wasn't just a game. But I'm not a Gryffindor. Maybe that's why he is. He was too brave to send me a letter saying to go away, he came to my house, ready to face me and he did so.

I hated him.

I whisked threw my last breath before I broke out in sobs, "Yea. Sure. I get it. I feel the same way. It was just something I had to do, or else Cay would have killed me later for it. She was just doing it so I could…I don't know. Get along better with her boyfriend's friends?"

"Yea. I did it for Prongs and Mooney. James would have never let me forget it though if I didn't, you know, kiss you. It's a guy thing,"

I used all my strength to keep the tears from flooding out. I had to, "Totally understand."

"So when we go back to Hogwarts this year, it will be the same, right?"

No. It couldn't be. I wanted it all to be different. For me to come back a different person so that way he could like me, "Yea."

"Great," that's all he could mange to say.

"I think I hear Mother calling me. I have to go." I had to escape.

Now normally I would rather Avada Kadva myself then be thankful enough to sit with Mum during her tea parties, but I was desperate. I needed some useless fact to come into my mind.

I slipped down stair, and sat in one of the empty seats. The ladies looked up at me. Well it was the first time I ever joined them.

"Hello." I said again. I was going to die.

Mum knew better then to scrawl at me in front of anyone, but I could tell that the house was going to shake later for me interrupting them.

"Bell, hello. Where is my son?" Auntie said.

"He's somewhere around the house." I tried to smile. I really did.

"Oh, well any way. As I was saying, I can't believe it! This Voldemart person is really becoming a ripe politician!"

"I know. I wouldn't be surprised if we have a new Minster of Magic once the children graduate school."

I was only half paying attention. Waiting for the time to pass. Any reason to stay away from Sirius was needed. They seemed to have been there for hours going on about politics, and how the wizarding world is going down the drain due to the 'uncultured' new music.

The sun was setting when they finally decided to leave. I was sitting in the chair for five hours straight.

Aunt Black called from the staircase, "Sirius! Get down at once!"

I heard him calling from a distance, "Coming!" I never heard him call her Mum.

He walked passed me in order to get paste the fire place, a smile perched apon his face, after what he did to me? So what if it was just a silly game. I thought it meant something to him, I thought I meant something to him. Who was I fooling? He just wanted a kiss. It was only a game, just as it was only a kiss. It was only a kiss…it was only a kiss.

Burn in hell Sirius.

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**A/N:** Sorry about not updating for a while on this story (I know it was only like a week, but it feel so long for me) I was working on a FanFic for School of Rock, When SeptemberEnds(u can read that if ur ever bored 2. I'm so proud of it, and no one reviewed 4 it yet :.( lolx)

So this chap was very well forward, and rather fast moving. To fast?

Did ya like my refrince to Mr. Brightside? xI LOVE THE KILLERSx

I'M PHYIC, and rather syco, but lets not go into that! There will be some defiant changes in Belle soon b/c of this.  
Okay, u heard my babblings. U know what to do.

LUV YA  
CcLlOoVvEeRr


	5. Fake it for him

Chapter 5  
Fake it for him 

By the time all of Mum's guests left, and I was out of my dress, I was to upset, angry, confused, and all the other teenage feelings there was nothing else to do but cry it all out.

To make matters worse, Mum did just as I thought she would and yelled at me for coming between her and her friends and that she was just in the middle of some important top secret discussion.

I ran into my room, slammed the door, and locked it. Tears were streaming out of my eyes. The water ran with my well-massacred lashes and down my face with the hot drops of rain.

Throwing myself on my bed, I buried my head into my pillow and screamed. No one bothered to come running to see if I was okay, I wasn't expecting anyone to.

I must have been in my room for hours. Moping around and feeling sorry for myself since I couldn't seem to have gotten the boy I wanted. During my session of mellow dramatics I caught site of myself in the mirror.

Horrible.

My face was red and blotchy. My hair was knotted and in need of a good brushing. I felt pathetic. The story of my life, you could say. This sort of thing always happened to me.

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"No way!" Cay said to me, it was early July, and I was at her house with intentions to say there for a while, "That low down scum!"

I couldn't write what had happened to her by owl, it was too painful.

"I know." I was lying on my stomach on her bed. She was sitting on her bean bag chair. Don't bother to ask how I got here. I told my Mum I was going over to some equal pureblood's house. Just another little white lie, she still has no idea.

"So how are you going to get him back?" She asked.

"Dunno" I respond.

"Well you still like him, don't you?"

I took one of her pillows and hide my face behind it.

Cay laughed either at my stupidity or my action for covering up my stupidity. I'm in love with this guy, who doesn't even like me back, and there I was still fawning over his old pictures. I really don't know how I could even hold up so long.

"Well that answers my questions." Cay said mocking me.

I sighed, "So what am I going to do about it? You always seem to have the answers to this sort of thing."

She picked up a magazine that was laying by her feet. It was "Wild Witch" that showed all the newest fashion trends, some not ready to be in style until a few more years.

"Well, you'll just have to win him back with your charm. Be more modern and make him jealous,"

I flicked my hand. "How first year!"

"Yea, but according to this article," she flipped threw some pages, "it does work. Hell, what's the worse that could happen? Its not like you can make any more of a fool of yourself."

I grinded threw my teeth, "That game was _your_ idea,"

"Actually I just wanted an excuse to do something with Remus. He's a great guy and all, but so romantically slow! Do you know when he asked me out he said that he liked me since first year? What took him nearly three years?"

I gave a small smile, "And how did your man ask you out again?"

Her favorite topic, it would give me another second to rethink if I should bring up the idea of making Sirius jealous again, or just leave it as it was.

"Well," She light up, "We were by the lake, and it was right before the sun was going to set, so the aroma was very romantic. I was by myself for once. That hardly ever happens. You know, sometimes you just wanna sit down and think about what's going on and stuff. I was so engrossed in though I didn't even hear him come up behind me. I jumped as he tapped me on the shoulder. Once I was it was him, I laughed 'Hey Lupin.'. See we were made partners that day for the final potions lesson of the years, so I thought it had something to do with the assessment. Did I ever mention how he had the loveliest eyes? They were so full, and round. A nice chocolate brown,"

"Yea, you said it once or so," I said empty mindedly.

"Yea and he was all, "Hi," like really shy and kinda in a rush. It was so cute! He was turning all red and blushing. I was like 'this so can't be just for the essay.' Then he spoke up, he said 'You're really pretty and extremely nice for a Slytherin.' I got mad at him but then I saw this as a complement so I was all 'Thank you.' Then he just blurt it out, 'Would you go out with me?' and I was like in awe for a good second. Once I came back to my senses instead of just saying yes like any other normal person would I stepped closer and gave him a short kiss on the lips," Gazing into space she said, "And we've been going together ever since."

I didn't hear much of what she said, but I did make up my mind. "Great! So how do I make Black jealous?"

She stopped, "What? You actually want to rake one of my ideas and do this? Belle this isn't like you at all! Normally you just let this pass, and go back to daydreaming,"

"Yea, normally. I'm sick of the way I am. Take out every magazine you have. I'm going to make him wish that he begged to make me stay with him."

"Girl, are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"No. That's why I want you to do it. Give me the works. I want to be someone completely different that you could never recognize me."

Cay was getting excited. She loves to re-do people. She was begging me for years if she could give me a make-over (after you do it on yourself so many times, it does get boring).

She ran over to her desk draw, and after under her bed. Spilling out clips of fashion articles, and pictures. Then running to her dresser and reliving her make-up kit containing every sort of make-up in every color imaginable.

Thankfully I was sure that I wanted this done. If not it would have been to late anyway, she grabbed a chair and pushed me back into it.

Her room is more like a dressing room. There is a sink, but no toilet. The bed was hardly needed since she preferred to sleep down in her basement more then up in her room, so stakes of music were balanced there as a rack. She had a large mirror, and the whole impression was like a mini salon. Then her closet was like a different room entirely. So many clothes and pieces that you would be amazed that it was only for one person.

That was the last time I ever looked like myself, fizzy long black hair, small eyes, simple fingers, and lost look. I was no longer just Belle.

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"What do you think?" Cay asked me. I was standing in front of her over 6 foot tall mirror, looking at my new self for the first time.

"Merlin," I whispered.

Calyin appeared worried, "What no good?"

My long black hair was cut shorter to a bit above my neck and sprayed back giving it a wilder look. My once bitten nails now had tips to it, every other green, sliver. Eyebrows now waxed and controlled, making my eyes stand out a lot more. Even my figure looked different in the clothes that I was wearing. Cay gave (she said it would be pointless to ever ask for them back. And if she ever desperately needed them she could borrow them from me at Hogwarts) me many new shirts but the one I was wearing was a simple black tank-top, and for bottoms, my knickers were a pair of demon jeans. Plain but very likely to stand out. The robes were also black, but the clung to my body better, making me look more mature. The make-up, a fairy pale purple lip gloss, with mascara on my eyes, right by the blue/green eye shadow and black eyeliner. No blush, but cover up. I didn't even know it was me at first.

I turned to Cay. I could berly make out my thank yous. I was in love with my new self already.

"That's all good and all. But you can't just look like a new person. You have to act like her. You must fill the role in."

She was a confusing child.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well," She tried to explain. "You can't go around looking like your new. You got to be new. Like what do you want your name to be?"

"It's Belle, Cay."

"Yea, but what do you want you're nickname to be?"

"It's Belle, Cay."

"I know that! But what name fits the new look?"

I turned to myself in the mirror again. It looked more like how I pictured a Bellatrix then Belle.

"Bellatrix," I said.

"Okay…and what's her attitude towards life? Once you get this bases down you'll be able to build from this making the new you."

"She gets what she wants, and can control the people around her. No second thoughts. Just what she wants."

"Very rebel."

"Not really a rebel, but sure as anything not just the normal stick."

"You know how you want to be, don't you?" she said jokingly.

What she doesn't know was that I used to spend ours pretending to be Bellatrix.

Even as I spoke I slowly forgot about Belle.

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"Are you ready?"

"No."

"What do ya mean 'no'?"

"I mean I'm not ready."

"Well you made me doll you up for nothing! The least you could do as a away to thank me is show yourself off a little."

"How about no? I'm having second thoughts about this and-"

"Come on Bellatrix! You look great, now just walk in front of him like he isn't even there."

"But he is there."

"GR! Go NOW!"

With that Calyin pushed me. Summer was over and once again it was September first, we were back on to the Express, midway into our journey back to school. But this year was going to be different. I wasn't going to be the sap, he was. I swore it.

I was wearing a similar kind of make-up that I was the day that Cay originally did it. And like everyone else I was in the uniform. But Cay said she looked it up in every rule book that they say nothing about changing around the uniform, just to spice it up. Knowing her, she skimmed one book and didn't see it, making it impossible to find anywhere else.

So now I was in a shorter skirt, though same styled as the school, with chains connected to where the belt was supposed to be. I was in the Slytherin vest, but the shirt under it was a thin black one with a collar, and once again my robes were tighter fitting.

I could see Sirius just a few compartments away from mine. The heels I wore made a nice clinking noise down the corridor. I made sure that my posture was pin-straight.

Appearing the feeling that I knew what I was doing I knocked on his compartment door and stumbled in, trying not to look at him.

"Excuse me have you seen a purse laying around here" Good! So far playing dumb was going fine.

"Belle?" Sirius spoke, "Belle is that you?" he sounded like he hadn't seen me since we were two years old. Perfect!

"Oh Sirius I'm sorry. I thought that I was in the right compartment." I made sure to look him in the eye now. Let him get a good look at me.

"Well if we find something, we'll give it to ya. Right boys?" he choked.

That sounded so wrong at that second. The Maurdar burst out laughing leaving him blushing. I gave a grin and turned to Lupin.

"Remember to wait for Calyin when we get off the train," I reminded him, just as I promised Cay.

"Sure." He said, peering wide-eyed at my skirt.

I turned back to everyone, "Okay, well I'll see you later." And I walked out trying not to let my emotion show.

"Belle wait!"

"Huh?" I spun around, to see Sirius chase after me. "Hi"

"Hey. Belle what, um, happened?"

"First of all it's not 'Belle', it's Bellatrix. What do you mean what happened?"

"You look, really great."

_Don't blush!_ "Well thank you."

We stood in silence for a minute. I was about to continue back to Cay, but he stopped me again.

"I hope that we could, well, forget about this summer. Maybe make a clean start?"

I shot him a smile, brushing my new bangs out of my eyes, really exposing my eyes, "Maybe."

Step one to getting what I wanted: Complete.

_**A/N: Haven't updated for a while. Sorry. I'll post my next chapter as soon as possible.  
Oh, and don't worry, Voldie will also start appearing in it too, just not for a few more chaps (mwhaahahahahahahaha)**_

_**Thankx to everyone who reviewed and all that will :cough:**_

_**CcLlOoVvEeRr**_


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